Passive Aggressive Notes

Dear Crazy Woman With Rollers In Your Hair,
No, I don't have the flip flops you bought from my friend at our yard sale and accidently left. And no, I don't have any yard sale merchandise left. Furthermore, I'd really like to thank you so much for knocking on my door at 6:58 AM on a SATURDAY to ask me these questions. You're a real peach!
Love,
Mommy Cracked

Dear Whoever Installed The Air Conditioner Unit In Our Home Before We Bought It,
That little hose thingy? It's a backup drain in case the first one gets stopped up. And when you don't hook it up and instead just wrap it around the unit in the attic because you don't know what the heck it is? It doesn't work...which may cause leaking through the walls, wet carpet, and it also sprays dirty water all down my walls when the AC repairman tries to unstop the unit. But I do love a challenge, so thank you for the chance to spend an afternoon with a can of Clorox Wipes and some elbow grease. And the $75 to repair it? Oh, please! I picked that off the money tree we have growing in the back yard! No worries!

Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked

Dear North Korea,
I'll keep it real short and sweet because I know you're real busy with missles to launch and all that stuff. Put up or SHUT UP, because your daily threats are getting old. That is all.
Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked