Comments on Mommy Cracked: Big Decisions

I have no advice (although I loved the 5 Minutes f...

2008-07-28T23:53:00.000-05:00

I have no advice (although I loved the 5 Minutes for Parenting link and Jaime's link, too), but I wanted to share that we are the same age (give or take a few months) and I've been agonizing about many of these things since our China adoption wait continues to drag on and on. The sibling age gap is another thing I ponder excessively.

Both times we've had a new baby, we've gone throug...

2008-07-28T22:52:00.000-05:00

Both times we've had a new baby, we've gone through extreme financial distress in the weeks immediately preceding and proceeding the births. But, God always works it out. You'll be fine!

We were lucky enough that the second one was a tot...

2008-07-28T20:02:00.000-05:00

We were lucky enough that the second one was a total surprise so we didn't have a choice... didn't have to work through all these feelings/thoughts/decisions. Like you, the first one didn't come easy. We waited eight long years for him. Now, though, we're in the same boat as you (except our decision is for number three, not two) here trying to decide if we brave having one more - financially/physically/mentally. Someone once told me you somehow just "know" how many kids you'll have. And somehow, three seems/feels like the number for us. We'll see how it goes. Whatever decision you make... don't look back and don't waste time and energy feeling guilty about it. Hugs.

I so have one of the "to baby, or not to baby" pos...

2008-07-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

I so have one of the "to baby, or not to baby" posts coming sometime. It is on my mind constantly, and I'm back and forth all the time. I first told myself I would bring the subject up with dh after we sold our house (we had moved already, so were paying 2 mortgages). The day we sold our house dh lost his job. Okay, so not the best timing. Now I'm feeling the time "crunch" because if a baby would come after, say Sept 1, 2009, he/she would have to wait another year before starting school (after working in schools, you tend to think about those things, right?). Which means another year that I am home--fine with me, maybe not so much with dh.

I was just looking through baby toys to see if we had anything we could donate, but I just can't let anything go. I see the massive amounts of baby "stuff" we have and think, "Why not?"

It affects other decisions I have to make as well. We were given $ to buy our oldest a bed--do I get bunk beds to anticipate that the girls may have to share a room someday if there ever is a baby? Dh thinks getting bunk beds is silly; I think its practical. We already have a 3 kid vehicle, so that isn't an issue.

Then there is the whole healthy baby thing. We got blind-sided by a birth defect so we know not every child comes out perfectly. What if next time it is something more serious? We were lucky with our youngest in how she came through things and know it could've turned out much, much different.

As you've seen with the comments, you aren't the only one having the debate in your mind. I have faith that things happen for a reason and we are never given more than we can handle. Thoughts and prayers to you!

http://www.5minutesforparenting.com/59/embracing-t...

2008-07-28T12:16:00.000-05:00

http://www.5minutesforparenting.com/59/embracing-the-unknown-but-knowing-the-one-who-knows/

Gotta read this girls.

The returning c sections are so much easier than t...

2008-07-28T11:32:00.000-05:00

The returning c sections are so much easier than the first one. The first one is always following a tramatic trying to have it natural day but the next one is much much easier. I bounced right back after my 2nd and 3rd!

I feel even more connected to you now - I have had...

2008-07-28T02:50:00.000-05:00

I feel even more connected to you now - I have had gestational diabetes and post partum depression too.

We had our 2 daughters 2 years apart, and thought we were complete. But God had other ideas, and we found ourselves somewhere we never thought we would be - wanting another!

There is a 5 year gap between my middle and my youngest.

Only you will know in your heart what is right for you, and I will pray that God will guide you.

Just one point though, if you do decide to take the plunge - it won't be the same as first time around, as you will now have the experience and knowledge about all those things you had no clue about with your first!

Thanks for sharing your dilemma and I hope that whatever you decide you will have a peace about it.

Hugs

I know it can all be so overwhelming, but sometime...

2008-07-28T02:01:00.000-05:00

I know it can all be so overwhelming, but sometimes I think you have to follow your heart and the promptings of the Lord's will.

I came from a big family (7 kids). I didn't want a large family, so I had my three boys and said, "I'm done!"

I ended up divorced and fell in love with a guy who had three kids also! Sooo, here I am with the LARGE Brady Bunch family, but it all worked out for the best. Definitely NOT what I had envisioned!LOL!!

I just felt I should tell you to follow your heart and everything else will work out!

On a side note regarding Post Partum:

I only had post-partum with my first son, it was severe. I kept it a secret because my thoughts were so crazy that I was afraid they would take my son away. This was in the late 80's and no one ever really talked about it. Luckily I never had it with my next two.

Thank you for stopping by my Blog!

well... my first son was sort of planned- we didn'...

2008-07-28T00:49:00.000-05:00

well... my first son was sort of planned- we didn't try to NOT get pregnant anyway... but I was told it would be difficult for me to get pregnant... It really wasn't. Then I had a miscarriage and I was scared to do that again so I went on the pill... and promptly got pregnant with my second son. Then I had 3 more miscarriages and I was determined NO MORE. I was DONE. Then I got pregnant with my daughter.

I got my tubes tied the day after she was born.

But honestly, I am SO glad I had more than one. Really. YES the sleep deprivation SUCKS but I am with you- I was an only child and I LOVE that my kids have eachother.

I'm not saying you need 3 by the way- I fully intended on stopping at two :)

We have been on the fence about adding to our fami...

2008-07-28T00:30:00.000-05:00

We have been on the fence about adding to our family as well. We have two sweet little girls, but I've always pictured us with three children. We've gone around and around it for months, back and forth, one week it's "Yeah we totally want another" the next week it's "No way! What are we going to get ourselves into?"

Then I started making Pro's and Con's lists. There is so much to consider this time around. So I understand where you are coming from.

What's the answer? It's different for every family I think.Some of our friends are happy with two kids, other's have three, and some even have one. They have made the call and are pleased with the outcome.

I will say that I was extremely worried about how my first would handle no longer being the baby when the second child came, but to my surprise it went over very well. The bond between my girls is something that will last them their entire lives.

I have no regrets in adding a second child to our family. That being said every family is different.

Good Luck in your decision.

Oy. Tough one. I'd have to agree with elaine ~ let...

2008-07-27T23:11:00.000-05:00

Oy. Tough one. I'd have to agree with elaine ~ let go and let God. BTW, as I'm sure you already know, every pregnancy varies, so if and when you are ready, #2 might be a little easier. Or a LOT easier!

Trust yourself.trust your hubby & Trust god. Eve...

2008-07-27T23:05:00.000-05:00

Trust yourself.trust your hubby & Trust god. Everything will be just as it should be. I know it may seem hard to believe but I never thought I would be a mom of 5. I thought I was done at 4 but I just felt there was was some one missing from my family. Her spirit haunted my dreams I just could not let it go. I KNEW I was going to have another child. You will know what is the right choice for you just sit with it for a while. when the rght answer comes to you will be at peace and sure. good luck.

Trish...Yep, the time factor is probably what hang...

2008-07-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

Trish...Yep, the time factor is probably what hangs over my head the worst. Hopefully we will both figure out our way on this one.

TAF- That is so true about if we waited for everything to be perfect then we'd wait forever. Deinitely gives me some perspective.

GGWI- Thanks for that verse. It helps a bunch. And I am the worlds worst about listening to others instead of making my own decisions. *sigh*

Mel- I hope you have an easy time deciding. If only these decisions were cut and dry.

Colleen- The being sick while raising another child definitely freaks me out, too. I never had morning sickness with EB, but I fear the second time around might bring it on full force!

Belle- I've heard a planned c section is much easier, too. I'm sure I'd definitely be more coherent the second time around. Thanks for reassuring me of that.

Ann- You're probably right...we need to sit on this a bit. I'm so impatient, though. LOL! I'm the type that totally tries to plan out my whole life in advance.

Oh. I remember being where you are.I hope that yo...

2008-07-27T19:14:00.000-05:00

Oh. I remember being where you are.
I hope that you can find a way to take a deep breath and just sit with this all for a while.
I can totally relate to your concerns and feelings.
Just wait a bit. This will work out the way you really want it to.

(And... you can come back over to the Virtual Girls Night Out! It's closing night!)

Let me assure you that a planned c-section is a br...

2008-07-27T14:30:00.000-05:00

Let me assure you that a planned c-section is a breeze compared to the emergency kind. Legare was born as a result of what seemed like five years of labor and an emergency section. It was hard and it was scary. Four years later, we planned the date and time for Lorelai...got a good night's sleep, arrived at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. and had a beautiful baby girl shortly after 9:00 a.m. The recovery was so much easier also, even with a four year old to care for in addition to the new baby. It was worth it.

I am so there with you! We have a 3 1/2 year old b...

2008-07-27T08:18:00.000-05:00

I am so there with you! We have a 3 1/2 year old boy. We actually just started trying for another. I really do want one more. I was an only child too, and though it wasn't horrible, I would like my son to have a sibling. (I hate the term lonely only BTW. What? Only children don't have friends?)I'll be 34 in a few months, and feel like we gotta do it now before the biological clock runs the battery down. But it scares me too. Can I handle one more? My husband is gone a lot too. And was so sick with my first pregnancy, what if that happens again? How am I gonna take care of my son? I had a planned C-section the first time, and it went well. My doctor wants to try natural birth this time. So there's the whole factor of never have actually experienced labor before either. I know there are women out there with 8 kids that survive just fine, and deep inside I know it will all work out. But it's hard not to fret over it sometimes. I guess I don't have much advice for you, but I think your questions and concerns are shared by a lot of moms out there.

I'm right there with you. Hubby has given me till ...

2008-07-27T01:40:00.000-05:00

I'm right there with you. Hubby has given me till the end of the year to decide once and for all if we're having another. I really want to but hesitate for all the reasons mentioned. I don't have any answers for you either, but am sure things will work out the way they're supposed to (for all of us).

ok i'm gonna go check out that site...

2008-07-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

ok i'm gonna go check out that site...

not to sound too "motherly"....YOU know what's bes...

2008-07-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

not to sound too "motherly"....
YOU know what's best for you as a mom and in time you'll figure it out.

don't ever let others make you feel bad if you decide to stay w/one adorable kiddo.

and...isaiah 26:3!

way to be honest girl. hope it has helped you feel better in this huge decision!

Let's be honest here, if most people waited until ...

2008-07-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

Let's be honest here, if most people waited until they could truly afford kids and were really ready - none of us would be here. My husband and I started our family a little earlier than we had planned because I have endometriosis and was very ill. We were blessed with our first son almost five years ago. We always knew that we wanted two children.

Originally we had thought about TTC when our son was about 2. Things changed when he was not walking and we were not sure if he had a serious condition. Our minds were on his health and we did not want to take away our attention from him. Finally after he was into PT and OT we decided to start tying for our second child.

Once again we wondered should we do this, could we afford this, and what were we getting ourself into. Again we were blessed with our second son and you just manage. You tighten up your budget. I also left my teaching job to stay home. I am itching to find something to do, but that will come.

You are an amazing mother and EB will be a fabulous big brother. Things work out when they are meant to be. Good luck making your decision.

I am so there with you, and my hubby would love to...

2008-07-26T20:01:00.000-05:00

I am so there with you, and my hubby would love to have another baby. We should have had one before we got our son's diagnosis, but I wasn't ready. Then I was just overwhelmed with everything and afraid to have another child on the spectrum.

So many more questions without answers. I haven't ruled it out, but time is ticking away, huh?

Elaine, your post is exactly what I needed to read...

2008-07-26T18:19:00.000-05:00

Elaine, your post is exactly what I needed to read. I hope Jaime comes back and reads it, too. Thank you for pointing me to your post. It makes perfect sense!

Been there. God is faithful. I say jump in and let...

2008-07-26T17:58:00.000-05:00

Been there. God is faithful. I say jump in and let Him do the drivin'.

http://bloginmyeye.wordpress.com/2007/11/21/i-prayed-for-this-child-a-thanksgiving-story/

Jaime, you are a kindred soul!! And see....I didn...

2008-07-26T16:48:00.000-05:00

Jaime, you are a kindred soul!! And see....I didn't even throw in some of the stuff you mentioned that I also worry about. It was much easier deciding to have ONE baby. *sigh*

wow. just wow. it's like you are in my head for ma...

2008-07-26T16:39:00.000-05:00

wow. just wow. it's like you are in my head for many of the things you wrote here! I feel like you, it's hard having ONE child...adding another? I have so many fears. Yet, I want my son to have siblings too! It's a constant battle in my head all the time. Will we EVER be financially secure enough to have another? Will I be overwhelmed? will my first son feel less loved? OH THE QUESTIONS GO ON AND ON...i'll be back to read the comments, that's for sure!
Good luck to you too.